You know Me!!!!.....Or do you??

I AM SO FUCKING TIRED TIRED TIRED OF FIGHTING!!!

This has been a CRAZY month for me!!
Finishing up the bday celebrations with the family yesterday and in general conversation a past accusation is mentioned...and dismissed in 2.5seconds flat!

"Well....you know she still got Ill feelings toward you because of the thing with you and "Jeff". I told her back then that D*-k aint no stronger than blood! Hell, yall was young. She need to just let it go!"

Before I could absorb the statement...I went to a place..
So....Something was said about me sleeping with my family members' counterpart...lets say in 2002 (A FREAKIN DECADE AGO)....I was never asked or confronted about it...It was shared and discussed with the family (including my mother)...So she hates me....and because thats known...your response (as a family) is "She's still a little bitter"....

instead of asking, advising her to address, DEFENDING ME, or staying out of it....

When I say I am TIRED of this....(shaking my hands like I'm kneeling on the altar)
I. AM. T.I.R.E.D.!!!

What to do?...I HAVE to get to the bottom of this.
-Let me facebook dude (who now has a girlfriend and 3 whole kids about something that allegedly happened long ago.....
-Let me check my family on their role in this.....
-Let me contact my 1st love and let him know I WOULD NEVER sleep with his BEST FRIEND and congratulate him on his new baby in the P.S. line....
-Let me tell my momma how disappointed I am that she didnt defend me.....
-Let me have a sit down convo with my cousin that would likely turn into a physical fight......
-Let me reassure the new dude that plays bball with my ex and his bff that Im not like ppl thought I was back then......

BUT How would any of that help me?????!!!!!!

People have and always will believe what they want to believe about me. YES; Im a flirt. But I am NOT a whore...but how long am I going to have to say this? How long is a girl-Now WOMAN supposed to even consider spending energy on trying to prove that she's a good person to her loved ones. How many times do I have to be left in a room or situation alone with your man without jumping his bones or refusing to play into his advances for you to trust me?....Or will you ever?
THAT is the question?

But with family, friends, and loved ones...should that EVER be a question??!!


How much fighting can I do to change your perception of me?
or is there any fight needed?

And then I look at my phone.....

Libra Feb 13 2012
Something you regret from the past has been on your mind lately. A recent disappointment may have stirred up old feelings of sadness. You may be considering taking a step or two backwards to try and get a second chance. But that's not the most productive thing you could do, Libra. Instead of traveling backwards to try and fix something that probably wasn't good for you in the first place, build a new dream and pour your passion into it. You can change your life by moving forward, not by looking backward.

LORD.I HEAR YOU
~L